Painting by Cynthia Ruffin
You know, life is like jail when you get to think about it.
See, we are birthed here to do our time and then exit to where ever we existed before we actually existed.
What ever the sentence, and how much time one will do is mysterious,
how some do 100 years and others 10 seconds on earth is based on facts unknown to man, at least to those of us who still are alive.
Everything we know; we know it because we live in this medium now,
whatever happened before we existed in this medium has been formated from our brains and what ever will happen in the next medium can only be hypothesized.
I apologize for being dubious but understand,
I am plunged into an existential crisis every time one of my own descends into oneness with our ancestors.
And it’s not about not having the answers, because I do have the learnt answers.
But the answers provided by religion, and history, and theories, and science and all forms of belief systems don’t mean you stop having questions, the fear, the doubts, the dread, the plight.
They still exist, even as the priest stands on the pulpit and says “he has gone to be with the Lord” or “she is in a better place of no sorrow and pain.”
Yahhh, it sounds right and all, but it doesn’t feel right in here, my folded heart doesn’t instantly unfold to that truth, or hypothesis.
The little boy in me hides
in a dark little corner,
hoping to be unseen
so that he can see him self
as a whole existent being
with a purpose.
And so when I say
fewer words to everyone
am having deeper conversations
with everything inside me,
telling the little boy
that he is safe, and loved.
Telling him that loss
is part of life,
and even though we’ve evolved as a species,
we still fumble
like our stone age ancestors did, in the face of life loss.
“And religion, and science, and history, and belief systems all provide answers for our brain, because that’s what the brain wants, To Know!”
But no one
provides answers for our hearts,
and no one can,
because the heart looks for
nothing like answers.
It looks for truth,
and the truth is that,-
“you just lost somebody you love, and that makes you feel sad, and afraid, and alone.”
So the heart says,
let’s feel sad,
and afraid, together.
It’s okay, I promise
we will be fine,
but it doesn’t have to be now.
We can feel hard things too.
And the heart never lies.